Watching the Wheels

In my previous life in the sergeant suit, I often came home lamenting that I was spinning my wheels and never getting anywhere. As hard as I fought and as much of my soul as I sacrificed, there was never a point when it didn’t feel all for naught.

The difference between days of spinning wheels there and spinning wheels in my current career of self actualization is that now my wheels have been catching and moving on down the road. Whereas the ultimate demise of my former career came when I saw them never taking hold again and me getting bogged farther and farther down until I drowned in muck.

Today, as I was quite literally hugging the rear driver’s side tire of Charley van, occasionally getting road grime from who-knows-where in my eyes, cursing wrench slippage and girly arm strength, and feeling generally worn out, I was still Determined. Defeated never crossed my mind. No way were we going to back down on a project that was three quarters done when I had already let a few tears slip earlier in the day over a lamentable lack of progress in spite all my best intentions that morning. Fuck no. Not today, thank you kindly.

Our decision and subsequent mad dash to meet a deadline of August 13th to leave on this quest of questions has been liberating, exciting, energizing and utterly exhausting! But the desire to see it through and the dauntless attitudes of both my partner and me to do this thing in spite of our sadness at leaving our first home and trepidation (more on my overly cautious part than his) about what might happen along the way has made us tireless and driven to persevere.

Every day the to-do list gets longer and the days to departure get shorter. And, while the response to this endeavor has been overwhelmingly positive, there is occasionally an air of dubiousness from others. But all I keep thinking is that I have never been sorry to leave the security and relative comfort of such good paying employ. And although we will miss the ease of modern conveniences, the coziness of our home, and the deer and hummingbirds and great horned owls that delighted our days on the deck, we will see and experience so much more than we can fathom out there on the road.

So, I’m looking forward to getting out there and watching the wheels go round and round, finding a new rhythm to mark this stage of building our life together, and delighting in the details with my other.

The road trip, I think, will be the easy part. It turns out that mostly disassociating with the “Grid” is not so easy.

But this incredible labor of love is filled with all the foolish optimism that makes us love people besides those we have to anyway.

Here’s to embracing your inner kook and finding someone who digs it too! Cheers!


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